dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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