The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
