Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
