I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
