I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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