My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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