That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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