M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
