All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
