i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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