i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
false alarm. still invincible.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
