first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How does one acquire holy water?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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