At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
