In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
