jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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