I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
