people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We got so high we made milksteak
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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