I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
