don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
