I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
