Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
