i jhust puked up my retainher.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
