Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
