She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize