I hate all girls vehemently.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
