he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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