i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
