i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
