Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
