i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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