Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
