cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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