Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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