My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
