you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
