she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
