I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
