i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
