is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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