There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize