Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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