ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
