I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
