i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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