Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
