i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He passed out mid-signature
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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