I must be too annoying 4 u.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
