I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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