I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
