You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
