im drinking this country out of the recession.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
