You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
then he tried to convert me to islam
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Drunk is not a location!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
