I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
