some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
