Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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