there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
