I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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