a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
