Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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