There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
