I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
porn star boner night. come get it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm really busy with my period
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