my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
