The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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