Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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