Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
