Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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