I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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