There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
