So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
