I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
