Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
