you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
