I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
