FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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