I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
