we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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